Eclectic Muddlehood

How's this for a perplexing beginning? I am a great many things, but none of them are me. At least not in my entirety. This is the little corner where I attempt to make the whole greater than the sum of its parts as I muddle through being a wife, a mother and a woman... among other things.

Location: Virginia, United States

Here, in no particular order, is a short list of my parts from the mundane to the pretentious, some or all of which may surface in future attempts to work on the whole: wife, mother, doula, childbirth educator, writer, yoga student, homeschooler, amature organic gardner, kitchen witch, all-around foodie, spiritual truth-seeker, daughter, clutter-bug, complusive list maker, bibliophile, homemaker, friend, homebirth/natural birth advocate, impulse shopper, wine snob, knitter, artist, lover, sensuist, and email junkie (There may be more later, but that's it for now.)

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

14 Things I Just Don't Get

14. the appeal of professional football
13. why there are three CSI shows
12. why some black men feel the need to wear panty-hose on their heads for fashion's sake
11. why complete strangers feel compelled to attempt to molest my pregnant belly
10. how there can be drive-thru liquor stores
9. why almost every pre-packaged food in the grocerey store must contain high fructose corn syrup and/or partially hydrogenated soybean oil
8. why, no matter how new the appliance is, you still have to wash your dishes before you put the in your dishwasher for them to come out clean
7. why any self-respecting mother would buy her daughter a Bratz doll-- I mean you're just asking for it
6. telemarketers who call your house and when you answer the phone place you on hold-- "Please hold for a very important call" YOU CALLED ME!
5. how I can put eight pairs of sock into the washer, yet only get fifteen socks back when I take the load out of the dryer to sort
4. why people struggle carry their 7lb. baby around the shopping mall in a 20lb. car seat when they could just carry the 7lb. baby
3. how conservative Christians can be anti-abortion and pro-death penalty at the same time
2. Peeps for any other holiday besides Easter
1. organized religion (more on this topic later)

(If there really are explanations for any of these items, I'm all ears. Please, enlighten me!)

Monday, January 09, 2006

Raisins Help Her Poop

I envy the self-awareness of a two year old. I am working daily to undo years of conditioning that has stretched my own mind-body connection rice paper thin. My daughter, however, is at one with her body. After three days of eating almost her body weight in raisins during her waking hours, I finally asked her What's with all the raisins, kid? She looks up at me, cheeks full of the dried fruit in question and says simply, Help work the poop out.

Intuitive little booger. How does she know these things?

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Pimp Daddy Cat and His Kitten Harem

So we got a kitten last night, which on the surface might not seem like that big a deal except for the fact that we already have three other cats. How we accquired this particular kitten definetely requires some blog-style elaboration. A somewhat flighty, but gentle-hearted friend of mine got this kitten, Genevive, for her three year old daughter against her husband's wishes. This is the same friend, by the way, who asked me to fish-sit her goldfish, brought the tank to my house while she was on vacation and then never came back to pick up the fish. My daughter named the fish Bob and he stayed with us until his untimely demise. We're actually on Bob III, but that's a different story for another day. So, her husband who is a big, tall manly-man except when it comes to cats I guess, decides he is allergic and begins stomping around the house in the evenings after work fake coughing and sneezing and just generally being a pain in the butt. She politely ignores his immature antics until two events occur close together that compell her to feel the need to remove the cat from the house. She got pregnant and is now scared to clean the litter box herself (because we all know her hubby's not going to do it) and her daughter tried to bake the cake in the oven! Crispy kitty anyone? She calls my house on Friday to see if I know anyone who will adopt the cat. I am not home. I am basking in ignorant bliss during a heavenly prenatal massage. But my sister and daughter are and they both immediately decide that the kitten should come to our house. "We have three cats already," my sister cajoles. "Really, what's one more?" I told her my husband was going to freak at the idea. I forgot that my husband was spending the afternoon at a bar with his boss celebrating the recent successes of the close of their fiscal year. I picked his snockered behind up at 9:30 that night and told him what his outrageous sister-in-law had done. He slurrs "We have three cats already, really what's one more?" I told him to go take a shower because he stunk. Meanwhile our daughter is jumping on the bed yelling "Where's Genevive? Where's Genevive?" Genevive arrived late last night and I told my friend, under no uncertain terms, she may not get any more pets because our house is now full up on animals. Now we have Anya (4 months), Genevive (7 months), Amethyst (4 1/2 years) and the lone male cat, Chase (6 years). While the female cats are busy posturing and hissing and swiping at each other in typical cat fight fashion, Chase sits back and admires the view. Who can blame him with all that fine looking tail he's living with now? If the other cats at the shelter could see him now... This is me temporarily throwing that whole breathing idea out the window.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

To Be... And Just Be

That is my goal for this year-- to practice the art of just being. It might not sound like much of a challenge to some people, but for a pregnant, sporadically type-A, somewhat obsessive, occasionally compulsive, self-employed birth professional and Gemini mother of a Libra two year old, this is asking quite a lot.

I've been inspired by the latest off-beat book on motherhood I'm currently venturing through during naptimes and other spare quiet moments. Buddha Mom by Jacqueline Kramer, a Buddhist and a mom (go figure), encourages me to focus on staying connected with the present moment. A task I find daunting at best and completely overwhelming at worst. She gently points towards starting simply and just connecting with your breath. Everything else will follow, I am assured by her warm prose. So I've spent the first seven days of this new year trying to remember to breathe. Here's how it's gone so far.

DAY ONE: Two year old daughter tries to pick up four month old kitten for the umpteenth time, gets scratched across the lips for her trouble, screams. This is me breathing between healing kisses.

DAY TWO: Balance in washer breaks, spin cycle shakes the house so hard a kitchen cabinet comes loose off the wall downstairs, the one with all the plates of course. This is me breathing, slightly panicky as I turn off the washer and take the plates out of the cabinet just in case.

DAY THREE: Daughter is running a high temp, mother suggests it could be the dreaded cat scratch fever and recommends her usual mainstream medical treatment plan- dope the kid up. This is me breathing a huge sigh of frustration and hanging up the phone without unnecessarily medicating my child.

DAY FOUR: Doula client calls at 11:48pm because she's experiencing pelvic pressure and can't get comfy to sleep, but doesn't think she's contracting and wants me to tell her exactly what's going on with her body. This is me patiently breathing as we discuss whether or not it could be labor for a half an hour before both going back to sleep.

DAY FIVE: Suddenly, irrationally gripped with panic that I am already four months pregnant and we have done nothing to prepare for this baby's arrival yet. This is me breathing, well more like panting, as I work feverishly throughout the day to make progress on the office soon to be nursery.

DAY SIX: First prenatal yoga class of the session. This is me actually breathing in half moon pose no less! Very exciting!

DAY SEVEN: Started blog. This is me virtually breathing.

How'm I doing so far?