Eclectic Muddlehood

How's this for a perplexing beginning? I am a great many things, but none of them are me. At least not in my entirety. This is the little corner where I attempt to make the whole greater than the sum of its parts as I muddle through being a wife, a mother and a woman... among other things.

Name:
Location: Virginia, United States

Here, in no particular order, is a short list of my parts from the mundane to the pretentious, some or all of which may surface in future attempts to work on the whole: wife, mother, doula, childbirth educator, writer, yoga student, homeschooler, amature organic gardner, kitchen witch, all-around foodie, spiritual truth-seeker, daughter, clutter-bug, complusive list maker, bibliophile, homemaker, friend, homebirth/natural birth advocate, impulse shopper, wine snob, knitter, artist, lover, sensuist, and email junkie (There may be more later, but that's it for now.)

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

From Inside the Passage

Life is simply a series of rites of passage. There is the time preparing for them, the time spent enduring and completing them and the time processing them before beginning the cycle once again. What I never realized before was that there is something to be learned, not only after the completion of the rite, but also from stopping to pause while still inside the passage. This is where I am today. Inside this passage filled simultaneously with light and dark, I am growing and changing dramatically with almost every second.

My precious babes were born five days ago. They are beautiful and strong and this fills me with light. Instead of being born in the joyously peaceful environment of our home, they were cut out of me in a sterile operating room. Thinking about those moments, lying on that table straining to see my children in warmers across the room and not in my arms, leaves me clinging to my light amidst my darkness. I bury my nose in the scent of their soft bodies, snuggled against me now that we are home from the hospital, seeking as much comfort from them as they seek from me.

I will heal. On every level of my being, I will heal. One step at a time, I will move through this most challenging of passages, closer to the light and farther from the darkness. But today, I am simply trying to focus on the inherent beauty and terror of the passage itself and just appreciate it for what it is- an essential part of what life is. How would we appreciate the light without the darkness to showcase it?

3 Comments:

Blogger Analisa said...

Followed your sig link from MDC. Really appreciate reading this, as I also had an unwanted c/s with my twins. Then I had an amazing VBAC. :)

8:06 PM  
Blogger Regan said...

I honor your journey in recovering through this birth.

12:09 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

It gets better. I still mourn my own section, which was unplanned and unwanted. Your post is beautiful.

9:42 AM  

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